“I love you ’cause you know me, I trust you with my Self.” – Guy Baldwin, Ties That Bind
4 1/2 years ago, sitting next to a hospital bed, watching this woman struggle in pain. Feeling a very huge black hole open up inside of me, as I contemplated the possibility of life without my slave. Each moment, each breath, each heartbeat became something precious to hold and not let go of. The thought of none after that one was too much to bear.
And so, the promise – that we would not hold back, that each day, each moment, we would explore and take adventures and take risks. We would open our hearts to the possibilities and not hold back, and Love each moment.
A year ago, text messages and Facebook/Fetlife messages start coming in – someone that I had known locally in the Chicago kink community had passed. It was a hammer blow to me. This was someone that had been around during that magical time in the early 2000s when we were immortal and invincible – when our kink/BDSM group would meet almost weekly at the dungeons, play, get to know each other, see each other, feel each other – learning, growing, playing, sometimes fucking – it was glorious. He couldn’t be dead.
But he was.
And over and over in the days that followed, the messages said the same thing – he Loved with all his heart. His hugs, his laughter, it held nothing back because he lived and Loved Life.
Again, the most important lesson learned – but not just with my slave, but it became important that my family – my chosen family – know that I Love them and I Love Life with them. She knew… back in 2009. She already knew that lesson, she was just waiting for me to catch up. I did. And now, with each hug, to those who are part of my life, my family, my club and my community, I hope I can live up to the examples I have from the lessons I’ve learned, and pass the lesson on.
So I Love my slave – the joy that I feel of living each day in being who we are, in allowing ourselves the freedom to say “I choose to Live and Love Life and You this way because this is the adventure that will last as long as we can journey on this plane.” – I don’t hold that back.
I Love my Life, and the opportunities I have, because in the grand scheme of things, the Sun will come up no matter what. What I do now, here, that is my Life and what I need to do – and it’s far more important to leave this Life a better place when I go – and the only way to do that is by sharing the Love I feel.
I Love my family and the people who I “feel” and decide to let in. It’s not easy, with the way I’m wired, to be able to show that, but there it is – and each hug is my attempt to show a little bit of that.