A couple of weeks back, slave angie and I had a long “windshield session” as we drove home from a much needed getaway. This time, an innocent statement about fisting led to a very deep discussion about sexual interests, sexual growth and what exactly is a slave’s place to express her sexual interests and desires and ways to try new things. I love these conversations because I love knowing what makes someone tick, I love knowing what’s in those dark corners (Oh, you like that, hmm, I do too… ) and I love knowing what levers I can use for future sex.
Angie knows that I expect transparency from us both. “Brutal honesty” is how we started out and have remained that way since. That also is true in the sexual realm as well, knowing what she’s into, what new things she’s fantasized about, what new interests she might develop. What has been slower coming has been for her to ask for experiences that might lie outside of us. While we’re open to playing with others, it’s a space that we share only when the stars line up and it works well for all of us. Those spaces are sacred to us, and opening them up to others takes a chunk of trust and good energy, not something that is always easy to figure out.
I’ve never had a problem, in terms of whether it is proper or not, with slave angie coming to me with her interests and requests. Our sexual interests and health is a big part of what makes us tick, both as healthy human beings and as people in a kinky, alternative relationship dynamic. There are many M/s relationships that don’t include sex, and there are many that do. We’re definitely part of the latter. Being able to have those discussions, and for slave angie to feel safe and empowered to let me know her interests is important to me. Her sexual growth and well-being is just as important to me as is her physical health and well-being. She’s not intuitively wired that way, to voice her sexual interests, so it’s been a situation of where I encourage her, and I’ve learned to allow natural growth and curiosity to be drivers for her to explore.
For quite a while, it was like deep sea mining to get her to talk about her ya-ya’s. Truth be told, I do like it that there is a small part of her that is STILL humiliated by me having her admit her fantasies and interests to me… but it was important for me that she could come to me. Even now, ten years later, I’ll hear “please don’t laugh but…” — and I don’t laugh. Someone sharing something so intimate should be honored and welcomed.
That’s how it works for me. And, it goes both ways too. She knows my interests, she knows what I want. My style of M/s has me being transparent to her as well. I make no secret of what makes me hard, especially since I share so many interests with her.