While we’re talking about “How do I…” type questions, another question we get asked is “How do I find leather” or “How do I become leather” or even “How can you make leather work in M/s”?
It’s a hard question to answer for two reasons. The first is that I firmly believe that each person’s journey in life is unique, and finding/becoming leather is going to be unique. Just like spiritual beliefs, there is no “one size fits all” and there are no “Ye Olde Guarde” rules/regulations that you have to follow 1-2-3 to get a piece of “earned leather” and BING you’re leather. At the end of it all, each person’s definition is going to be different. Our’s is different than many others in the straight community, and that’s OK. It’s a reflection of the journey of how we learned our own way. The second reason is that just as leather is unique, an M/s relationship is unique. There may be common starting points (do you participate in a relationship based on authority transfer, for example), but it’s a unique chemical combination.
At NWLC this weekend, slave angie and I taught a class about our leather influences and archetypes, what had made us leather, and we had a lot of discussion from the class of their archetypes and influences. At the end of the class, I put up one slide of the points that we both had taken in our journey, together, as a Master/slave, to live leather. I wanted to share those here, now that we’ve given the class.
- Get involved in leather community. Volunteer. Support. Show interest in the community, not entitlement/replacement. You are there to be a part of the leather community, and that takes time.
- When doing #1 – remember to sit down, shut the fuck up and listen. Earn your way. You are no owed a seat at the table. You are welcome, but through your actions.
- Walk to the beat of your different drummer. Learn your local/regional/club traditions. Honor them, don’t be beholden to them. Use what works. Throw out the rest. Invent your own.
- Don’t rewrite history. Don’t accept rewritten history. Go out and learn leather history. Then, make your own by living Life.