I’ve asked on Facebook and Fetlife about what myths and odd/strange things people have heard about M/s and one of the biggest topics that came up was whether a slave has a “voice” or not, or a say-so in the relationship. Angie has been slowly getting better from her illness, so this post took a little time to write, but here’s our thoughts on how slave’s having a voice works for us.
I believe that there is such a wide spectrum of how that authority is implemented and/or surrendered to (in the case of M/s) that the actual implementation of the concept of a slave will vary. For me, the issue isn’t as much about “losing of voice” as much as a “who’s voice will be the last to speak.”
For example, something that comes up everyday in our house is how much angie is capable of doing, due to fatigue with lupus. She has to tell me what she’s capable of. I may have ten things that I want to get done, but at the end of the day, she’s only humanly capable of doing 5. Now, she would do all ten if ordered to, but she knows that I value her as a human and as someone who I’m not interested in breaking. She will tell me “Master, I can only do 5 of the things.” and leave the final decision to me. Her opinion is extremely relevant – she knows the number of spoons she has and what it will take to get 5 or 10 things done.
Now I grant that someone could take that example and say “well, you could order her to do all 10 things and she would, so she really has no voice…” but I view that as an outlier condition. That removes the fact that I’m not likely to do that. Just because I could do a thing doesn’t mean that I am going to do a thing – I’m not an abusive Master, I’m not a Master who would set up his slave to fail, and that I’m more interested in harmony and the well being of my slave than I am in the strict sense of “10 things will get done today come hell or high water.”
Her voice, her facts, her skills and her intelligence are very important to me, and if I made her into someone that I don’t care about, that to me is more about Owner/property than about Master/slave. (and there’s an argument to be made that a good Owner will not misuse or harm their property, much like we don’t go around purposefully smashing our cars into guard rails because we can.)
A subject of conversation that comes up often is what my “say so or voice” is allowed to be in the relationship with Master as His slave. When i just say the words “slave” i’ve come to realize it evokes in peoples minds ones own thoughts and feelings of what that concept even means along with their own experiences or even misconceptions of my chosen place. I can only share what our experiences have been on our Master / slave journey together and what feeds and sustains us. For my very own definition of voice i will call it “speaking my mind”
For myself i hold obedience, loyalty and above all else respect for Master my highest priorities. As slave speaking my creative and passionate mind respectfully has been a value asset to Master. I will never understand the thought behind the thought that there is no value in that to a Master.
In the beginning of our relationship i had made a promise to Master that he would have the all of me unvarnished. The good, the bad and the ugly. (I just love having a reason to use that quote) To me this was a huge challenge. so much so that i had spent an entire year in therapy just learning to value my own voice and thoughts. I did this because i wanted so badly to come into our Master / slave clear and open. Sounds strange but makes sense when you grow up in a family that’s motto is “we don’t talk about those things” The entire experience was feeling and frightening at the same time. Speaking my mind and what i feel inside so completely and openly has always made me feel vulnerable. It took time and patience to learn i was safe in doing so and there’s no turning back now. Thank God!
One last thought I want to add to this is something I heard from Master Steve Sampson back in 2002, I believe. This was at the Ms. Nevada Leather weekend being held in Las Vegas, and he was there speaking about Master/slave relationships. The words he said had a powerful impact on me, to the point where they still ring true to this day. I’m paraphrasing and doing this from memory – about slaves, he said this:
“Slaves are usually far more capable, more intelligent, more trained and degreed than I am. They are complete and capable people in all ways, and but for one thing they lack… that hole in their heart that finding and surrendering to the right Master will fill.”
I have to agree with him, and I would be a fool to waste that capacity in stifling a slave who already knows her place, has already surrendered to my authority and that I trust will follow me at the end of the day.