Another myth, or perhaps it’s a fear that folks who know M/s only from erotica or rumors have, is that M/s relationships don’t adapt or change. The visual is the many pages of a contract, or the words “Your consent is your last act of your own” or of a Master who is hard, inflexible, strict and always-my-way-the-highway, which leads to concepts that a Master/slave dynamic is a one way street that never changes.
If that is the ideal, then I’m probably doing it wrong, because that has definitely not been our reality.
I’ve written on that aspect before and we talk about it when we share about our M/s dynamic. Adaptation is required when you are dealing with illness or disabilities – determining what is realistic and sustainable over the long term that continues to preserve the dynamic in the way that feeds our souls.
There’s another aspect to adaptation and that is in reaction to change in ourselves, in our interests, in who we are, in being dynamic human beings who grow and evolve.
There are enough Master/slave couples that I’ve met or known who came to a certain point and they had grown beyond what their dynamic could support. The slave grows to a point where he or she wants to be a Master of their own right. The Master realizes that his path now lies down a different road, one that doesn’t allow for the Master to have a slave. The two realize they have grown in ways where their lives can’t walk that path anymore.
In our case, although change has happened, it has not been to the point where we need to end the relationship. It’s been in reaction to external situations that affect us – kids and family, or job related. Definitely we’ve had some adaptations related to titleholding – mainly in how we try to keep ourselves balanced while traveling. Using our rituals, making sure that we focus on feeling and being in the moments that we are together.
The foundation never changes, and that’s what we hold onto when change is happening.