my question is as follows to either master michael or slave angie , you speak a lot about reconnecting with each other , what does this for you mean , in actions etc , if not too personal? As an already married and established couple coming late in life into the lifestyle it can be hard to find information that helps as most is aimed at single people it seems. Also many speak of the feeling of safety in their partners arms , how should this feel? Sorry if these questions seem odd but i find though i trust always that he would never abuse the relationship sometimes we are out of sync , me so more than he as i have a very inquisitive nature.
Reconnection is finding a way to get through all the static and stuff that drowns out the connection we feel, and feel it all over again. It depends on the situation, but it usually involves physical touch, or time spent together just “being” or possibly us doing a ritual, or having a period of time focused on each other, just something that gives us a chance to feel each other, hear each other and focus on each other. Being able to slow down, and have a safe, good conversation.
You mention the question of how feeling safe should feel, and being out of sync – that’s a tough question to answer. I think I would have to answer back by saying that when we are out of sync, we work very hard to hear each other and get back into sync. That’s where the safety and trust comes from… that we will work to get where we need to be. Neither one of us like that feeling of being out of alignment, so we tend to make the time/effort to get that way.
Part of the out of sync happens when my Aspie gets ahold of a word or phrase and I’m thinking down one path and she meant another. So she has to kick in the translator to come at it from different directions till I get it, then we can continue on.
Or the out of sync happens when it’s just been a rough day, like yesterday. We found little ways to reconnect that meant something to us, that fed our needs.
Master seems to explain reconnecting in a way we would both answer, Every relationship misfires for various reasons, For us at the moment it’s travel and balancing the household needs. The pressures send us off in different directions and our rituals and fun time go to the wayside.
Reconnect with the simplest of communicating what the core of the problems are and re-engaging in our rituals and mantras.
I may catch up irregularly, but it’s not because you aren’t getting the message out. I’ve never seen better kinky social media carpet-bombing. Have you addressed negotiating theoretical poly? Your profile online has the common statement, “not seeking to add to the relationship, but if a billion stars aligned, we’ll go with what the universe says.” Maybe it’s not common in those exact words, but that sentiment is — the polite nod to a nonzero probability. Does that mean that you have interest, but not enough to do the work (fair enough!), or does it meant that you do have a little interest, but are content to wait for being shocked into more, or what? I see lots of, “we discussed the possibility of a third” type phrasing from slaves online, and I’m always left wondering what that meant — was it a guardedly-ventured topic, quickly abandoned? A set of criteria that’s still theoretically in play all the time? An acknowledged goal, but not a priority?
Now that i know what “carpet bombing” means LOL ..
Ahhh, the other people in your relationship question … So here I try to answer this the best I can and firstly what the definition of Poly might look like to Master and i. I have to admit i am not sure that i am wired that way to understand it enough to give what should be given to all the parties. I’ve just never felt it for it to work properly. We’ve actually tried exploring this possibility once to include someone as poly to us, it ended painfully and that was that.
It’s never been a criteria issue per se but more to what Master and i describe as bandwidth in our lives both emotionally and time. We live extremely busy and already complicated lives in our goals and commitments. There are times when we engage in outside play partners but i’m not sure it defines as poly situations. The closest we could come to a poly at the moment would be my twin and our Leather tribe.
I had forgotten about that part of my fetlife profile! When I wrote that, it was a reflection of that I’ve learned to never say never. At one time, we had a intimate relationship with a couple. It ended under unfortunate circumstances, but angie and I learned a great deal from that experience. One of which is that we are primarily monogamous. That being said, if a billion stars line up and we find someone who clicks, who knows? It’s honestly not something we really give a lot of thought to, aside from fun fantasies.
The criteria would be hard to define, what “a billion stars lining up” looks like… it would probably be one of those “we’d know it when we see it” kind of things. Kind of like how angie and I developed. When I met her, I was at a point in my life where I had decided to not get involved in monogamous, long term relationships. Well, we can see how that all turned out… a million stars lined up, we knew this was something we wanted, based on our goals, outlook on life and interest/approaches lining up enough to say “there’s something here.” The universe hit us with the clue-by-four. So it would most likely require a couple of clue-by-eights, for us to move away from monogamy.