We’re entering into a slightly slower pace for the next two months, now that our very busy summer has ended. We are still traveling and doing the things, but somehow driving and having smaller events feels… less pressured? Less stressful? I have a camping trip this weekend, so slave angie is staying behind and resting and handling this month’s MAsT meeting.
Which brings me to the first point – something that I let go of this week – who would do the writing on this blog.
I’m a writer. I’ve been blogging since 2001, and I actively blogged on small, but popular blog for playing Dungeons & Dragons (don’t judge!) from 2008 through 2011. I got used to writing and how you could write for a blog. It comes easy for me. I like doing it. Slave angie has different experiences and skills. She writes wonderfully, but she will be the first to tell you that it takes time, patience and time without other responsibilities.
My biggest fear was with this blog, that I would somehow overshadow her, that I would be taking away her opportunity to have her voice, to be heard. I wanted this to be about us. Almost to the point where I wanted her to write 182.5 days and I would write 182.5 days. Well, that hasn’t been working out as well as we’d hoped. I had been twisting this over in my head and even getting to a point where I found myself wondering why she wasn’t posting.
So we had a talk about it and she let me know that she doesn’t feel like she doesn’t have a voice. We agreed that she’ll write when I tell her to (such as this weekend while I’m away), but that I don’t expect halvesies – it’s just not the best use of her skills and it’s not where I want her top priority to be. She’ll be expected to contribute, I haven’t worked out how that will work, but I value her skills in other areas. She has some contests she’s judging coming up, she’s teaching at a slaves/submissives retreat (SEEK up in Minneapolis), we have classes to prepare for next year, on top of the blogging, the travel and the day to day activities.
So, change my own expectations based on reality and what I want to happen – this year’s success is more important than trying to force a voice that already is speaking very loudly in the ways that she needs to.
Being in an M/s relationship doesn’t dictate rigidity in the face of what works best. Life would run me over if I took that approach. I just return to what is important and what I want and adapt to what is possible or what I’ve learned.
Second topic is related to the camping trip… and my strange reluctance to be separated for a weekend. I know, I know… I’m an old softie, really, but I get very comfortable and used to my Universal Translator and lifelong slave being at my hip. I’m sure I will have a wonderful time catching up with friends, but it’s just not my preferred mode. I’m sure I’m not the only Master who feels this way … ? Anyone? Hello? Don’t leave me hangin’ here … ?
*sigh* anyway… it brings back memories of when I went away for two weeks to the Boulder Outdoor Survival School for a primitive survival course. No phones. No technology. It was as if I disappeared for two weeks, and we both missed each other something fierce. I remember looking up at the stars, thinking of all the people who had, were and will look at these points of light, and feeling very connected yet far away. Definitely not my preference for how to live in the future.
Slave caroline, a well-known M/s educator, uses a deliberate phrase for M/s relationships – “sacred bond.” It’s true, at some point, this becomes “Love” beyond a romantic/sexual love – it becomes a joining at the hip in the sense that we have a unique connection that runs very deep.
And I’ll close on that note and just go to camp soon. *grumble*