Last night, I encountered a bit of writing that really just poked my “WTF” buttons. It was titled “Defining Abuse in Absolute and Total Power Exchange” and the title caught my eye, especially on a site called kinkabuse.com. I was initially very interested, but after about the first 3 paragraphs, I began to argue with the author, and by the time I managed to make it to the end and comments, I was ready to toss the tablet across the room.
If you want to read it, go ahead. It might make the following more clear. Go ahead… I’ll wait…
So after I got through the article’s points (holes that I could drive a tank through), I was looking at these paragraphs:
As we all should agree that a slave is her Masters property, and has no rights other then the privileges granted by her Master, and the slave consents, surrenders and submits completely, voluntary and unconditional when accepting her Masters collar, then a Master may do with his slave as he alone sees fit, according to his wants and needs, as well as his values, principles and beliefs. The Master has the final decision in all matters and issues within this power structure. Once a slave has accepted her Masters collar and consented to be his total and unconditional slave, no further consent is needed or required.
In turn a Master is completely and absolutely responsible for his slave’s behavior, actions and deed, care and safety, health and wellbeing – physically and mentally, and ultimately her life in accordance with God’s Law, His Higher Self, or the Laws of Nature, Universal Laws, Human Laws, Spiritual Laws, you pick it… all according to a Masters values, believes, principles, character, etc.
The forgoing conditions must be met for it to be a consensual APE/TPE slavery commitment. Any conditions, limits or restrictions imposed on the Master by the slave, would negate APE/TPE slavery. Period. Absolute and Total, mean just that. Absolute, Total and Unconditional.
(For those of you who date back to the Usenet newsgroup alt.sex.bondage, I had a flashback and had to check if the author was JJ in disguise… but I digress…)
So taken on the surface, applied to Real Life, I had to shake my head and roll my eyes (reading too much 50 Shades there…) and wonder “What online masturbation fodder-fest did this guy walk out from when he wrote this?” Of course every slave has the right and ability to withdraw consent. Huffpuff, rabblerabblerabble!
But I took a step back. Separated myself from the hyperbolic phrases which read like they came from some fantasy fueled website. Why did this bring out such a huge reaction with me, even though it was like nails on a chalkboard? Or was it like that? This is the kind of stuff that used to be all over the web, before it collected in one place lovingly known as Fetlife. I would hear this sort of thing from all over, and it was easy to believe, lock-stock-and-barrel. I listened more to my mentors though and by piecing it all together, by living and working through my own struggles and victories, I’ve come to where I am today. I’ve come a long way since those days of trying to find scraps and bits of what Master/slave was all about. So why would something like this even have a reaction?
Angie and I had a discussion a long time ago about religion and Catholicism. About how many of the homilies seemed to be very in-your-face about subjects. Something she said to me came to mind when I thought about this.
“Sermons are allegories. You find what you need in them and you take it away. They’re not meant to be taken literally. If you get too wrapped up in the literal words, you miss the point the of what you’re supposed to learn. It’s like being in the moment of the story.” – slave angie
She’s right, you know. And that was what was speaking to me in the back of my head. It’s the ideal of what Master/slave can be about. It’s that fantasy that gets us wet or hard. It’s that “what do I see in my head, make it my reality.” In thinking about it more, I can’t say that people who I respect would reject the ideals presented here – that an M/s relationship is pretty much an all-in relationship, a sacred bond, a complete surrender to another’s authority. Sure, the author above was using pretty words, but look at the ideals behind it – that the Master is someone who’s authority has its basis in something good and wonderful – something that the slave believes in and can give themselves over.
Sermons, parables, they aren’t based in the reality of the situation. The article above, taken as an ideal, isn’t going to get down into the nitty gritty of today’s laws on consent and abuse, the society that we live in will ignore our carefully worded contracts and vows, that if I were to ignore the removal of consent by my slave, I’ve just stepped into criminal conduct. It’s going to instead point a way to something that drives our erotic expression of our desires through the relationship structures that we form.
I believe in the power of ideals, of fantasy, as some of the raw components to the fuel that makes this work. After all, if we’re not having a meaningful experience, if we’re not getting fulfilled, if we’re not doing something (ultimately) positive in all this, then why do it?
Edited to add: (I left you hanging… so here is part 2.)