One of the main ideas we keep up front when we teach our “Ebbs and Flows of the Master/slave dynamic” class is to make time to rediscover and reignite your dynamic. I give the advice (and lesson learned) of “take it in small steps.” The idea of swooping in with a Big Bang Scene/Ritual That Will Make the ebb all better usually doesn’t work so well and will leave both sides frustrated.
We also like to talk about something similar in our “coping with health issues/disabilities” class. That to preserve your dynamic, even when your focus is on getting that diagnosis, or getting through the day of pain, or dealing with what’s going on, you have to keep ahold of your anchors which for us are our rituals and even the small things that connect us.
Both themes are about doing something – anything – to just feel for that moment, that flow, that buzz, that energy, whatever you call it. I think of it as “Every day, Do One Thing.”
It can be as simple as a small ritual. Or addressing her in a way that the energy between us has no doubt – I’ll wait for it to show on her face that her head has gone to that place, that space. An emphasis on a protocol. A correction if needed, but make sure that doesn’t become your primary One Thing because then things start to feel negative.
Every day, Do One Thing. It can be hard, when life has you by the throat and is shaking you like a rag doll, but this is the price you pay and what you signed up for. Small steps, but consistent and steady, will lead you to where you need to be.