[M/s 365] The One vs The Many

I sometimes get emails, or I’ll see (far more often) on some of the online places this thought of “I will find the One”, “I’m waiting for the One”, “I’m searching for the One”, “The One who will write to my blank pages of submission”…

OK, that last one was just a teeny-tiny dig at the over-dramatization or excessively flowery speak that W/we hear (hehe… see what I did there?) online, or even in some of the munches. And, I will admit that my romantic needle probably points to a far different magnetic North than most other folks (Hello Aspergers wiring) but I do have a point to make.

Young-Carl-and-Ellie-pixar-couples-9660520-500-352It was when I had let go of expectations that I found the stars lined up. I thought I had it all planned out back in 2003. I wasn’t going to have deep, intimate relationships. I wasn’t going to have long term slaves. I was just gonna “swing it all around” and just have fun. Heh. You see where this is going. Instead of all that happening, much like the movie “Up”, I found someone who loved Life’s adventures much like I did, but more importantly, I found someone who’s goals, outlooks, approaches and ethics were consonant with my own.

Now you could say “Oh look, you found the One.” BUT…

I am grateful for the shorter term relationships, the failed relationships and the casual BDSM play partners I had. I’m grateful for the relationship with another couple that slave angie and I had which ended. I’m grateful for the opportunities that slave angie has had, especially recently as I’ve encouraged her to explore the leather-women’s space.

I think that in the het/straight world, we are often burdened with this expectation of “One” due to culture and expectations that we were ingrained with – that we will find the perfect mate, have 2.5 kids with the car and picket fence, with a dungeon in the basement and a firm grip in the hair in the bedroom. (Note that this goes either way…) because I primarily see this sort of thinking in that space. And, more often than not, I see a long list of qualifications, provisos, rules, regulations and many hoops that the prospective “One” must meet before the magical relationship happens.

I get having standards and having needs. What I hope to pass on is the idea of not limiting yourself to finding that perfect “One” because you might end up passing by some great learning experiences, some great people and possibly, you might not see the stars lining up because this person didn’t jump through all the hoops. I mean, when I met slave angie, she smoked, she wasn’t interested in polyamory, she was damned independent and she liked a lot of things I just had no interest/experience in – at the time. Yet, I paid attention to that little voice in my head that said “Go on this adventure… see what happens.” And look where we are today.

The older I get, the more I realize how important it is to find more about empathy, compatibility in a broad way and similar approaches. Many things may end up changing as the new chemistry of two or more people coming together forms. While that may end up only being “One”, I hope that you’ll not close yourself off to “Many” – whether they are sexual experiences, short term service, long term power dynamics… you are the sum of your experiences. I believe that the more adventures we go on, the more we learn and grow from them.

Now where are my balloons to attach to the house…

up-balloon-house

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Master Michael S

International Master 2014. Member of: Chicago Leather Club, Chicago Leathermen Group, MAsT: Greater Chicago. Longtime leatherman. One of the Four Horsemen.

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