Seven Secrets of Maintaining a Long-Term 24/7 M/s Relationship
Taken from their presentation handout, Master Kurt and slave john have written:
1. Affirm strong, ongoing commitment by both partners to the M/s lifestyle.
2. Remain flexible in negotiating terms of the partnership.
3. Integrate dominance (authority) and submission (service/surrender) dynamics into everyday activities.
4. Engage in ongoing sexual/BDSM activities that bond partners to one another while reinforcing their self-identities.
5. Recognize that both partners must share common values and interests outside of the M/s lifestyle to maintain a long-term union.
6. Maintain transparent communication between partners.
7. Periodically reset/re-calibrate the relationship to ensure that partners remain interested in and connected to one another.
… and I would like to add an eighth …
8. Recognize that ebbs and flows of the relationship are natural and manageable, with communication, making time for each other and anchoring in the best parts of the dynamic.
(Quote from “Master/slave Relations: Handbook of Theory and Practice” by Dr. Robert Rubel ) – I highly recommend Dr. Rubel’s Master/slave books, of which there are 4 that I’m aware of – this one, one on protocol, one on communication and one on dealing with issues.
#1 – We are always engaged in our M/s dynamic, as it is the primary structure of our relationship. Daily, or quite often, we focus on our roles through a ritual of affirmation.
#2 – That requires ongoing communication and in understanding what the day or week brings to us. #2, #3, #6 and #7 all feed into each other. It’s not that we restructure our M/s daily, but we remain flexible in our mindset to what Life brings to us, and that we have the bedrock of our relationship from which we work from. These items speak to a transparent, ongoing communication and a recognition that an M/s relationship is all-encompassing, yet still about growing, evolving, dynamic human beings.
#3 – Integrating that authority/surrender in everything we do is a matter of both being mindful and having intent. Mindful of who we are and what we’re doing – intent of keeping who we are in our minds and the intent that this be who we are, not what we do.
#4 – In looking at this list, I find that slave angie and I practice most of these, with #4 probably being the one we sacrifice more than the others. Especially this year with our extensive traveling and support of the International Master/slave title. When we go into ebbs, this is usually the first thing that seems to fall by the wayside. It is important, our sexuality mixes with our spirituality and identity, and is important to keep refreshed, even though we’re not always the best at it.
#5 – It’s very easy to get wrapped up in just the relationship, to focus solely on that, but if we’re not learning and growing, then we as humans can become locked into patterns. I’ve always felt that life is a learning journey till the day we die. I believe we benefit from learning from many.
#6 and #7 – feed into #2 and #3.
#8 – we go through cycles and rhythms and life will push us with external distractions. It’s OK to have that cycle, just be aware of it and use all the other tools to get through it.