Slave angie alluded to a discussion that we’re having on this in Monday’s post:
Am i aligned in my surrender to Master and what does that even mean or look like?
This came about from a much larger discussion I’m having with slave angie, about the potential for “loss of identity” by a slave as a result of surrender. She and I have spoken about this… about how she sees that after a certain point or amount of surrender, or some other unnamed point, there is a loss of identity within the slave.
We discussed an example of what that might look like. She said “What if you told me I couldn’t be a bootblack anymore.” Slave angie identifies as a bootblack – it’s a significant part of her journey as a leather woman and slave.
I agreed that was an example, but I explored it.
“If that were a true situation, it wouldn’t be an off the cuff decision. You would know it was coming. There would have already discussions. Something that significant, I wouldn’t make that sort of decision on a moment’s notice unless it was a health/life issue. However, if that discussion did happen, if I had what I felt were ethical/moral reasons that followed my values and followed my goal of taking care of my property and keeping harmony in the house and family, then yes, I would expect you to be aligned to my will and not be a bootblack anymore.”
Slave angie went quiet and chewed on that. And I asked her a follow-up.
“You talk about loss of identity and this isn’t the first time you’ve said that. What does that loss look like? What does it feel like? How do you see it happening?”
And then I asked her if she felt she was aligned to my will.
I could see the smoke starting to come out the ears, which is a good signal for me to STFU and let the slave chew for awhile. She is still chewing, but we have 18 hours of windshield time in our travels this weekend, so I expect we’ll return to that subject.
I can understand how deepening one’s surrender, making a complete alignment of will might feel like a loss of identity, but I think of it as the logical/natural outcome of surrender. I value angie as a human being, as a person capable of growth, of achievements, of doing things far beyond what she thought when we first got together. Her complete surrender and alignment to my will doesn’t mean she becomes merely an object – an appendage that has no voice or identity. For me, the surrender of a fully capable, fully identified person is far more attractive – because they put my will first. Their identity shines and grows through that alignment, through being my slave. I don’t want a voiceless slave who’s extension of my will doesn’t include the gifts and skills and identity that she brings into the mix.
Some thoughts for a Thursday…