Slave angie and I had a very interesting discussion on marriage and M/s as we drove to Cincinnati this weekend. Probably one of the best talks we’ve had in a long time.
A couple of weeks ago, after I had written the post “Marriage and M/s“, we were having one of our many IM discussions we have during the day… and then out of left field…
s. angie: would you have preferred we did not marry ?
Michael: blink. not at all. it makes perfect sense and was the right thing to do.
s. angie: is there a value other than legal rights to you in it ?
Michael: I have an answer for that, but I think this is a conversation to have face to face. It’s an involved answer.
s. angie: i see
So at this point, I’m hearing the proverbial ice crackling as we are proceeding in this conversation. So, because this was probably going to be an involved conversation we tabled it.
So fast forward ten days later to our drive to Cincinnati. What I found out was that marriage, to slave angie, is tied up in her spirituality and religion. That because of how she was raised, because of how she saw her spirituality and our M/s, that the marriage added a specific spiritual component. It was hard for her to define, and she pointed me to the “Good Wife” Proverb in the Christian Bible (Proverbs 31:10-31):
10 A capable wife who can find?
She is far more precious than jewels.
11 The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will have no lack of gain.
12 She does him good, and not harm,
all the days of her life.
To her, having grown up with teachings like this, and how she ties her spirituality to the things from those teachings that speak to her, there are many aspects of M/s that sound like the definition of marriage. So to her, in her heart, the two are intertwined.
I asked her “if we weren’t married, would you feel like something was missing?” and her answer was yes. That she would still be happy in an M/s relationship, but that this added dimension of marriage tied it in more completely to her.
It was a very enlightening conversation, because it’s only been in the past couple of years that we’ve started opening up our spirituality and exploring it. So discussions like this are wonderful, as we learn new things about each other, even 11 years later. You would think we would have talked about this a lot sooner, but it was one of those conversations that we didn’t have the language for when we were first putting together our M/s relationship. I think we both were just doing what we felt was right, and didn’t quite have those words and paths to go deeper like we do now.