[M/s 365] Describing Our Relationship – Part 4 – Let’s Talk About Sex (again)

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Lady Elsa, part of the International Power Exchange Couple 2012, asked a series of questions last month for potential contest/title candidates to ask of themselves. They are great questions to ask of a Power Dynamic relationship in general, whether you are running for a title, or considering how you want your relationship to develop, or you’ve come to a place where you feel stuck, or unsure of what you’re doing. I wish I could find them on Facebook or a more public venue, but she posted them on Fetlife.

So here’s the next two questions and the answers for our relationship. Over the coming days, as we might have slow days, I’ll answer the rest. Here are the previous questions/answers: (1-2) (3-4) (5-6)

Level 7: SM Activities. Do you participate in sadomasochistic activities together? If so, what, and when, and who decides when they begin and end? For whose benefit are the activities performed? What are the mind games you play when you are doing SM together, and why? (For example, is it really done for the bottom’s benefit, but the top pretends to be selfish and cruel because the bottom likes that?)

Yes, oh yes we do, as discussed yesterday. As much as we can. Like all 6 previous questions, I have the final authority on when/where/how, but – like the previous 6 questions – I welcome and get input from slave angie. The scene itself decides where we begin and end, and when. It’s about energy, and how it feels and how it is going. The benefit is always for us both, to be able to ride that wave, dive into those dark places and enjoy the spiritual and sexual connection that S/m brings. We both “need dis” – it’s a part of our erotic makeup.

Level 8: Sex. Is one person more of the “doer” or aggressor when having sex than the other? Does this balance change, or is it always the same? Who decides when and how you will have sex? Who decides when and how each person will orgasm? Are there SM aspects involved in sex, and/or role playing?

Well, we’re both “aggressive”, but I’m the Dominant one in sex. It changes in what we’re doing, or what buttons I’m pushing, or the way we’re having sex, but the overall power dynamic stays the same. I decide and control slave angie’s orgasms, but I enjoy the energy when she cums, so it’s rare for me to play the denial game. There are always S/m aspects to our sex, and power dynamics involved.

Some of these questions warrant deeper dives, but for now, I’m going to let those stand. I see that one reader has started her own walk through these questions – I hope you will try them too.


This week, we are crowdsourcing for presentation ideas! We want to know what you want to learn. For more information, or to make a suggestion, please go here: https://ourmasterslavejourney.info/2014/11/10/tell-us-what-is-needed-crowdsourcing-new-presentations/

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Master Michael S

International Master 2014. Member of: Chicago Leather Club, Chicago Leathermen Group, MAsT: Greater Chicago. Longtime leatherman. One of the Four Horsemen.

4 thoughts on “[M/s 365] Describing Our Relationship – Part 4 – Let’s Talk About Sex (again)”

  1. I found my way here from Sofia’s blog, and as I’m not on fet, I appreciate that you’ve made these available here. Thank you. And thank you for your answers.

    These feel much more useful as a way for my husband and me to see if we understand ourselves than the usual question sets that feel more like a checklist to see if you qualify for the M/s club.

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    1. Thank you for your comment – much appreciated. 🙂

      There can be that kind of feeling from some in the M/s community, I get that. I think that as an Aspie, I somehow do not get that need to make it into a club with exclusive rules. For sure, I don’t think M/s is for everyone – at the end of the day, it is an edge/extreme form of a relationship dynamic, BUT, I think those of us called find ourselves in a continuum and on a journey. I bet 5 years from now, these answers will have evolved and changed some, but the underlying concept of authority/surrender – slave not saying no/Master providing positive leadership won’t have changed. That’s the wonderful thing about exploring an authentic, erotic relationship… it’s a very unique expression built on common core elements.

      I hope you’ll share your answers because I’m fascinated with learning how other people lead their lives.

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  2. I wish I’d known about /started reading your blog, from the start. I’ve been trying to catch up, but can only read so much at once, because you give me so much to think about – I have to chew on things a while. I’m particularly enjoying this series, and have brought it to John’s attention, that I think it would be beneficial for us to explore, as well. He agrees,so maybe soon, we’ll take this journey, too. 🙂

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