Several recent passings among my friends and co-workers has me thinking about mortality, as does a conversation with a slave who lost his Master in the 1990s, has me thinking and appreciating these days a bit more.
It’s a story I share with folks when presenting – that back in 2009 when Angie was first stricken with lupus, we had no idea what was wrong, except that she was in the hospital and there was a lot of wrongness going on. It was that moment that I realized that I might lose her. Up to 2009, I had only dealt with the deaths of older relatives, but in that year, I lost my Dad. And now, I was looking at the real possibility (from what little we knew at the time) of losing slave angie.
I vowed to not let the moss gather, but to have as many adventures as we could.
No matter how you look at M/s, whether it is a service only relationship, whether there is “love” and “romance” or a spiritual journey, M/s relationships are a journey of intensity and exploration. I believe the best ones, or the ones that are the most positive and in the vein of what I see as M/s, they include a “damn the torpedoes” attitude towards how life unfolds.
I’m not one for believing in the afterlife, so for me, I look at life as this is my only shot. This is it. I don’t know what happens when we draw our last breath, but I want to live life as if that is it – this is my one unique time and I want to make the most of it.
So each day, I approach our M/s from the standpoint of I will try to make this day the most fulfilling and “worth-it” day possible. Because if I have to go tonight, I don’t want there to be regrets… only a final acceptance that I have drank full from the cup. And that this person who has surrendered their life to me, in pursuit of that thing inside that calls her to erotic slavery, has drank full as well. Each day may be my last day. Was it a good day?
(And yes, I cried during that scene from Up. I do, every damn time. *sniff* Damn onion ninjas… )