We finished our last event as the current International Master/slave titleholders in Louisville this weekend, having a wonderful time in Louisville at the Bluegrass Leather Pride weekend. Bittersweet and actually a little rocky – slave Angie wasn’t feeling well and I was just “off” in how I felt like our classes flowed. Folks seemed to like them, and learn from them, but you know how it feels when you’re not hitting the notes or doing the things that you expect to be doing? It was one of those.
Thinking on that reminds me that sometimes we’re not feeling our roles, we’re not feeling particularly Masterful or slavey-like. Feeling sick, life has us down, or we’re just tired, or for whatever reason. This is the point where a segment of the kink community says “well, go ahead and put that on the shelf, go back to being ‘real’ and when you’re ready, pick it back up again.”
And for many folks, that works. That approach is valid for people who need to have D/s and M/s be something that is a scene, or a thing that is an assumed role.
I used to be like that, but I’ve changed and slave Angie has changed and now — well, it’s like from the Velveteen Rabbit, when Skin Horse explains the change:
‘It doesn’t happen all at once,’ said the Skin Horse. ‘You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”
― Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit
Our hair has been loved off, and we’re probably a bit shabby with the new relationship energy worn off, and time has whacked our joints a bit… but even with the energy being off, even when we couldn’t visit the dungeon because it wasn’t a good day, we’re still who we are, we still process those feelings and those moments and yet we are still Master and slave. That bond, that surety of who we are grounds us, and we know that we’ve become and there is no going back. Once that door has been opened, and those changes have happened, well, we can’t put it down. And I wouldn’t want to.
It was scary and the hugeness of this whole thing still leaves me in awe, although now it’s not so scary. Rather, it’s the comfort and security and knowledge that despite how we’re feeling it, we are who we are.