[M/s 365] 4 Things for Leather and M/s

place-on-the-mapI’m at the end of filling out a questionnaire for Raven Kaldera for a book he is writing on the various “types” of Master/slave relationships. I’m filling it out from a leather perspective. As well, I’m working on the class we’ll be presenting at this year’s Northwest Leather Conference, on “Living Leather and M/s”. Doing both at the same time has been interesting, as it’s forced me/us to look at how we define things, so that we can explain them to others. Not always an easy task!

One of the questions that I’ve answered in both is “What would you tell someone new who is interested in M/s and leather?” So as not to steal all the thunder from Raven’s book and our class, I’ll share the basic jist of the “Four Things” — feel free to ask questions if you want to discuss further. Once Raven’s book comes out, if it hasn’t been covered already, I’ll come back to this and explore the four.


1. Get involved in leather community. Volunteer. Support. Show interest, not replacement.

2. When doing 1),  remember to sit down, shut the fuck up and listen. Earn your way.

3. Walk to the beat of your different drummer. Learn your local/regional/club traditions. Honor them, don’t be beholden to them. Use what works. Throw out the rest. Invent your own.

4. Don’t rewrite history. Don’t accept rewritten history. Go out and learn leather history. Then, make your own by living Life.

These are all things that I was taught, and I hope to pass on.

[M/s 365] Tiny slices of time


This is one of those times when i type out title, spend about an hour searching for the correct pic to add to the top of the post and then i stare at it for about an additional hour or in this case two. From previous blogging days way back to Livejournal i had realized that if i didn’t take the time to get to know that person the little snippets of posts after time became my view.  That made me entirely self conscious of what i would write at all. Why? Because i didn’t want to be defined or viewed only from the times i would go there and vent. At one particularly rough patch for master and i, i hid an entire moths of venting. I know it showed we were working thru things but i never wanted those tiny slices of time to reflect badly on our whole lives together. (for the 5 whole people that maybe read it)

So here we are at the end of the day which thank goodness was much improved from yesterday but now tired and spent from it and possibly getting a little cranky because there’s more to do, but again we remember it’s just a tiny slice of time and not the sum total of it.



[M/s 365] Just not been a good day

Today has been one of those days. Off energy. Rubs. Glitches. Call it what you will. It’s just not been good at all. There are those days when the dark clouds are just all around and it’s just not going to go well. Slave angie’s had a frustrating day, full of a thousand “paper cuts.” I come home and energy is flying like crazy around the house, the grandkids were spending the night and not behaving. My ex has been at her shenanigans. It was all just a tarball. These are the days we just get through the best we can.

I’ve left my boots on my feet and we’ll have candle and ritual tonight. The Sun will come up tomorrow and we’ll begin anew again.


[M/s 365] Connections

It has been a weekend of connections, starting with something new for us, and ending with an old family in a new place.


Slave angie and I live far enough away from Chicago that it can take up to an hour to get to our home in the far north suburbs. We love hosting people, but we don’t do it so often because of where we’re at.

One of the things we’ve been learning is how precious this community of ours is, how rare it is to find people who feel like we do, who see that edge, that passion, that joy in living a life defined by extremes of emotions and actions. MAsT chapters and local groups provide a great resource, but one of the things that I learned as a kinkling was the importance and value of face to face sharing, personal outreach and making connections to like-minded people. As someone with Aspergers, this has not always come easily to me, but the more I do it, the more I see how important it is. These connections were the ones most important to me and still are… and it has dawned on me that now it’s our turn to start initiating those connections, offer our hand in friendship and nurture those that we find who we feel a consonant energy with.

So, Friday night dinner was wonderful with someone in the community who is asking questions, who is looking and learning – lots of laughter, some very tasty wine and good food.

Sunday, slave angie and I had a chance to go down to the new space that our local BDSM social club has found. The LRA Chicago, which used to be the Leather Rose back in the day, lost their space in November, and after a long 6 months, a new space has been found. It’s wonderful! I had a chance to do some work there on Saturday and today, they had an open house. It was really good to see old friends, to laugh and feel like we were back home again. We’ve missed the LRA. It’s been a long, hard road with some of the things that have happened there, and some of the ways it personally affected me, so coming to the new space feels both comforting and exciting. A group of us stopped across the street for a lovely dinner and between the bad puns, laughter and sharing of stories, it just felt wonderful to make new connections and re-establish old ones.


A long time ago, angie and I were looking for other Masters and slaves. “Where are people like us?” we asked. Now we know… they may be many in some places, few in others, but it’s the connections we make, the ones we keep close, the ones we establish and then reconnect when opportunity arises… that is where those people are.

[M/s 365] Perceptions


What is real and and sustainable in a long term committed Master / slave pair is a understanding life changes will happen and sometimes will be really hard.

This being the Lupus awareness month i would be completely amiss if i didn’t discuss the awful effects on my life it has caused, especially my self perception of the capable strong slave that i strive everyday to be for Master. But this i wholeheartedly hate doing, i never wanted it to define my life and or be seen as the delicate flower to be treated so softly  that i am incapable of still rising to daily challenges. So we adapt and overcome the best way we can together and I would much prefer to talk about how we navigate our M/s despite the challenges.

Master and i will continue throughout the month discussing about lupus. We’ve spoken about this before here.