Check your assumptions about the slave or submissive you’re talking to

Oh look, a stump or soap box. Let me get on it for a minute…

This weekend, I saw a wonderful man Robbie Butler step up to the mic and say “Yes, I am a slave and yes, I can run for American Leather Man.”

I’ve seen slave Angie push against similar projections and assumptions … that slaves cannot stand up and be leaders. Especially in leadership positions where people think it only applies to Sirs, to Masters/Mistresses, to Dominants.

It’s a false assumption. I’ve seen strong, caring, wonderful slaves across the world take up leadership positions and “get shit done.”

Too often, I think we as a community shoot ourselves in the foot with these assumptions that a **RELATIONSHIP** role somehow applies across the community.

Respect of that role is one thing. I respect someone as a slave or collared boy/girl or submissive in respect of their relationship role. BUT then, I don’t assume that because they have given control or surrendered authority that they somehow make that the ONLY thing about them.

Next time you walk into a bar, dungeon, play event — check yourself as you talk to someone with a collar or obvious sign of a relationship status. Do you treat them different, make different assumptions? Yes? Then mentally take that collar off them and see them as the wonderful person that they are, fully capable of that leadership position that our community needs filled.

[M/s 365] The year is over!

A little over a year ago [1], we started a project to blog daily about our lives as a Master and slave, as well as our lives as the International Master/slave titleholders.

Today, that project and that year is over. Last night, a new couple was named International Master/slave 2015 and we have stepped aside. Tired, luggage duct-taped, wallet a little (a LOT) lighter, but we are so much richer for the experience.

We wanted to show the good, the bad, the ugly and the amazing in our dynamic and our year. It’s been a crazy, whirlwind year. We learned a lot about each other and the small, wonderful M/s community around us. In a few days, I’ll hopefully be able to post the video of our step-aside speech, depending on how it turned out.

I don’t know what our future project for this blog will be, but it will not be ending! We’re not going anywhere. Although we never got much traction on our “ask us anything” posts (are we that scary? 😀 ), we did hear from people that you do read us and you do like our posts. Thank you for sharing that, and for sharing our year with us. We’re thinking about doing some video blogs going forward, as that would be a medium that slave Angie would be good at, I think. I’ll continue to write, although without the pressure of trying to do something daily. THAT will be a relief!

Thank you. Thank you for your comments, for your words and just for reading and being here.

[1] According to the Internets, it has been 1 year and 6 days, or 371 days. 🙂

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[M/s 365] A cruel Master with a sense of humor…

I posted this to Facebook earlier today, but wanted to share it here… because us Masters really do have a sense of humor. [1]

A conversation I just had with slave Angie:

Me (reading Google weather): “Right now, it’s negative 13. Today, the high is 1. Tomorrow, the high is negative 6, Thurs, the high is negative 10…”

Angie: (eyes widen and she shivers)

Me: “Oh… wait, let me change that to Fahrenheit…”

We are definitely looking forward to Spring, and now I think slave Angie is looking forward to it just a bit more…

[1] Sick and twisted, or cruel, as it may be…

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[M/s 365] A moment of perfection

“Present.” I told Angie last night, as we prepared for bed. She did so.

I ran my hands down her body, watched her face as she slipped into that place.

So did I.

Moment of perfection, of connection. That’s why, despite that folks talk about how much hard work M/s is, or have their own projections of M/s, these moments of connection, of when I feel the surrender, when I can almost taste it on the electricity of the air and connection between us – that is why I do this. Because this is where I want to be.

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[M/s 365] The Road Ahead


Regarding yesterday’s quote…

I have been giving a lot of thought to what we want to do when our title year is over. I’m not one to stay at rest long, unless it is my holiday hibernation. Always into something. I think I am intimidated about coming back to the Great Lakes region and getting involved in helping to support and grow the Power Dynamic community. Community building is hard and vulnerable and it definitely pushes me outside of my comfort zone.

And, I think I am getting over my reluctance to open up and allow myself to feel power dynamic energy with more than just one person at a time in my life. Primarily in allowing people to be of service to me or us when asked. This has been a difficult thing in the past – and I understand now the “why” – my Aspie. This past year, I’ve come to begin to embrace it and understand it, how it might work.

When I spoke with slave Angie about her fears, she spoke more about her own personal fear of the sudden drop of activity and possible boredom. I get that. That’s why we’re making plans to still be active and traveling, as well as staying involved in our local and regional community. And hopefully travel a bit around the country and world. We have South Africa’s leather community to visit, going back to the UK, visiting Ireland and Canada, and hopefully Hawaii.

[M/s 365] Marriage and M/s – Windshield time discussion

Slave angie and I had a very interesting discussion on marriage and M/s as we drove to Cincinnati this weekend. Probably one of the best talks we’ve had in a long time.

A couple of weeks ago, after I had written the post “Marriage and M/s“, we were having one of our many IM discussions we have during the day… and then out of left field…

s. angie: would you have preferred we did not marry ?
Michael: blink. not at all. it makes perfect sense and was the right thing to do.
s. angie: is there a value other than legal rights to you in it ?
Michael: I have an answer for that, but I think this is a conversation to have face to face. It’s an involved answer.
s. angie: i see

So at this point, I’m hearing the proverbial ice crackling as we are proceeding in this conversation. So, because this was probably going to be an involved conversation we tabled it.

So fast forward ten days later to our drive to Cincinnati. What I found out was that marriage, to slave angie, is tied up in her spirituality and religion. That because of how she was raised, because of how she saw her spirituality and our M/s, that the marriage added a specific spiritual component. It was hard for her to define, and she pointed me to the “Good Wife” Proverb in the Christian Bible (Proverbs 31:10-31):

10 A capable wife who can find?
She is far more precious than jewels.
11 The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will have no lack of gain.
12 She does him good, and not harm,
all the days of her life.

To her, having grown up with teachings like this, and how she ties her spirituality to the things from those teachings that speak to her, there are many aspects of M/s that sound like the definition of marriage. So to her, in her heart, the two are intertwined.

I asked her “if we weren’t married, would you feel like something was missing?” and her answer was yes. That she would still be happy in an M/s relationship, but that this added dimension of marriage tied it in more completely to her.

It was a very enlightening conversation, because it’s only been in the past couple of years that we’ve started opening up our spirituality and exploring it. So discussions like this are wonderful, as we learn new things about each other, even 11 years later. You would think we would have talked about this a lot sooner, but it was one of those conversations that we didn’t have the language for when we were first putting together our M/s relationship. I think we both were just doing what we felt was right, and didn’t quite have those words and paths to go deeper like we do now.


[M/s 365] Alignment of wills

Slave angie alluded to a discussion that we’re having on this in Monday’s post:

Am i aligned in my surrender to Master and what does that even mean or look like?

This came about from a much larger discussion I’m having with slave angie, about the potential for “loss of identity” by a slave as a result of surrender. She and I have spoken about this… about how she sees that after a certain point or amount of surrender, or some other unnamed point, there is a loss of identity within the slave.

We discussed an example of what that might look like. She said “What if you told me I couldn’t be a bootblack anymore.” Slave angie identifies as a bootblack – it’s a significant part of her journey as a leather woman and slave.

I agreed that was an example, but I explored it.

“If that were a true situation, it wouldn’t be an off the cuff decision. You would know it was coming. There would have already discussions. Something that significant, I wouldn’t make that sort of decision on a moment’s notice unless it was a health/life issue. However, if that discussion did happen, if I had what I felt were ethical/moral reasons that followed my values and followed my goal of taking care of my property and keeping harmony in the house and family, then yes, I would expect you to be aligned to my will and not be a bootblack anymore.”

Slave angie went quiet and chewed on that. And I asked her a follow-up.

“You talk about loss of identity and this isn’t the first time you’ve said that. What does that loss look like? What does it feel like? How do you see it happening?”

And then I asked her if she felt she was aligned to my will.

I could see the smoke starting to come out the ears, which is a good signal for me to STFU and let the slave chew for awhile. She is still chewing, but we have 18 hours of windshield time in our travels this weekend, so I expect we’ll return to that subject.

I can understand how deepening one’s surrender, making a complete alignment of will might feel like a loss of identity, but I think of it as the logical/natural outcome of surrender. I value angie as a human being, as a person capable of growth, of achievements, of doing things far beyond what she thought when we first got together. Her complete surrender and alignment to my will doesn’t mean she becomes merely an object – an appendage that has no voice or identity. For me, the surrender of a fully capable, fully identified person is far more attractive – because they put my will first. Their identity shines and grows through that alignment, through being my slave. I don’t want a voiceless slave who’s extension of my will doesn’t include the gifts and skills and identity that she brings into the mix.

Some thoughts for a Thursday…